you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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