FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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