very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
