Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
