ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
