I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
