I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize