we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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