So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
