Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
