i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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