she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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