i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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