i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
