Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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