mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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