So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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