Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
