If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
high people should be assigned attendants
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
