Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
