i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
