i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
