I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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