His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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