Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
