So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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