don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
pop tarts are not kleenex
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
