Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
