Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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