What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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