I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Panties = found
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