My balls are so social today.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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