i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
