Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
