My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
