i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm passing your future prison.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
