cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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