I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
