All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
