clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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