tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
