ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
