Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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