hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
