what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
