he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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