Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
