I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
