my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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