remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
