You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
