I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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