The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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