Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
