So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
