Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
