Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
