Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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