broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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