Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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