At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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