This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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