I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
