I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
