I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
