$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
