I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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