Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
