i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
