We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
